mighty moshin' emo rangers

>from the desk of Dawes Cooke

the incredibass

>from the capable hands of Dylan Parker

avian evil

One time, in front of a bird cage at the zoo, this kid
turned to us and said, "That parrot is pure evil!"

at the counter of Sagan's Diner

somewhere out there

always with the pillaging

Throughout the entirety of that year, the once-peaceful
ninth floor was periodically sacked and pillaged by savages
from the eighth floor in search of food and homework answers.

military innovations

the para-squid

he was just sitting there

One time, at this bar, a girl made my friend Chris' head explode.
Really, it was a shame because he was supposed to buy the next round.

hp gnome

how my scanner kerploded

pugno cum laude

"I'm very proud of all twelve hundred of you...but we only have fifty
diplomas. Fortunately we have come up with a way to narrow it down."

god save the queen

"GENERAL, THERE'S RIVERS OF FIRE...CHARRED CORPSES EVERYWHERE..!"

"I should have known it earlier...this kind of attack can only mean one thing: the Fourth Graders are back."

seis de mayo

internationally celebrated as "where-the-hell-are-my-keys" day

carcharodon holishiteus

The Airshark cruises the treetops looking for
unguarded elementary school playgrounds.

no such thing

No, we hunted them to extinction years ago.

cephalopod coverage

Then Frank remembered his Kraken insurance had expired.

do it yourself

An easy two step procedure to getting
more enjoyment out of Fall Out Boy.

etymology in action

>from the hand and brain? of Dawes Cooke